Our relationship was toxic.
She was never a good friend to me, yet I kept her around because I knew her so well.
She always kept me on my toes. I never knew when she would show up. It was always one of two options: tears in her eyes or angry with shaking fists.
She felt comfortable. So I tolerated her. When I finally chose to break free, she fought back. Screaming at me that I was nothing without her. My identity became enmeshed with her. Leaving her was an ugly battle, but I did it. I wanted more for myself, so I decided to let her go. Slowly at first. Subtle life changes. And then quickly. She got the hint.
I thought she was gone, but she has been knocking. Trying to crawl back into my life. Slithering into the crevices of my mind. Whispering her sweet lies to me once more. Causing me sorrow. Seducing me with false promises.
I thought I was stronger, but her voice is so LOUD after being quiet for so long. I won’t let her back in. I can’t. She is no good for me.
Her name is “depression”. And I won’t let her win. Not this time.